Fuck you l’été (#799)

Fuck you l’été [Jordan Dupuis]

Bref, 99,9% des gens sont à boutte de l’hiver… mais pas moi.
In short, 99.9% of people are sick of winter… but not me.

être à boutte de l’hiver
to be sick of winter
to have had it with winter

As usual, this Urbania article is full of colloquial language similar to what you’ll hear in real conversations. If you haven’t checked Urbania out yet, I encourage you to do so.

Unlike the author himself, Jordan says that people can’t take the snow anymore:

Les gens sont officiellement pu’ capables d’endurer la neige [...].
People are officially no longer able to stand the snow.

endurer quelque chose
to be able to stand something

les gens sont pu’ capables
people are no longer able

Maybe you’ll remember pu capab from yesterday’s entry devoted to the word marde as used in Québec.

Jordan explains the reasons he hates summer. One of them is that his summer clothes no longer fit after gaining weight throughout the winter. As he looks at his summer shirts spread out on his bed, he realises he should forget about wearing them and donate them instead. He says that he should sacrer ses chemises d’été dans un beau grand sac à vidanges, or “throw his summer shirts the hell out into a huge garbage bag.”

One of the other reasons he hates summer so much is that some people (but not him) seem to be devoid of sweat glands. He curses these “chosen ones” for not sweating a drop in their cream-coloured linen shirts:

Ces êtres élus et gâtés par la vie, même à 38 degrés et avec un facteur humidex à te faire friser le poil de la noune, ne transpirent pas une goutte de sueur dans leur chemise en lin couleur crème.

38 degrés
Americans, remember: 38 degrees is hot! Québec uses Celsius.

Le facteur humidex is the humidex factor. In Québec, we LOVE to talk about the humidex factor. The humidex factor is what the temperature feels like because of humidity. So, the actual temperature might be 38, but the humidex factor might make it feel more like 45.

But, oh my, what does faire friser le poil de la noune mean?

Do you remember the word plotte from a previous entry? It’s a vulgar word that refers to the female sex organ. Une noune is the same thing. Le poil de la noune, well, that’s the pubic hair surrounding it. Faire friser (quelque chose) means to make it curl.

à 38 degrés et avec un facteur humidex à te faire friser le poil de la noune

In other words, he curses those chosen ones who don’t sweat a drop even when the temperature is hot enough to make pubic hair curl.

I’ll let you discover the rest of his text on your own!

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French quotes by Jordan Dupuis, «Le monde selon J : Fuck you l’été», Urbania, Montréal, 31 March 2014.